PENCILS AND APPLES: A Clash of Cultures

BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE

Rewards await
those willing to
reach

beyond, beneath, below,
deep down, higher and higher,
over and under, out and within, and
over and over again and again.

Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
and Wellness Coach

LEARNING TO REACH
BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE:
A WELLNESS PROGRAM

Answers to life's puzzles and problems are as certain as the gold buried deep within the earth. Yet, just as golden nuggets seldom fall into our laps, finding solutions to life's perplexing questions and problems requires work - digging, searching, reaching. With the "pain" of effort, however, comes "gain"�. Like the miner who, with practice, learns more and more how to spot and mine for treasures, people too can learn to better tap the treasures within themselves and in the outside world which hold the answers to their search for greater personal peace and power.

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Achieve greater peace and power by establishing your own traditions.

PENCILS AND APPLES:
A Clash of Cultures
by Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.

I’m excited!! In a few days, my daughter and I will leave our family in Kentucky to travel home to Berlin, Germany for Christmas. Although both of us have spent more time in KY lately, Berlin remains HOME. It is where our family spent all of our Christmases since my daughter’s birth (she’s now in college), and since her older brother was three. It was always a magical time for us, but beneath the magic - where little eyes couldn’t see - were tensions within and between adults which the Christmas season typically offers as “challenge gifts”. Most Christmas movies seem to be based on this tension principle. I call these challenges the “pencil and apple struggles”. Before I explain, let me tell you about a place that knows how to do Christmas well.

We especially love the Christmas season in Berlin because it is a long, extended affair, rooted in centuries of tradition, and very beautiful. The celebrations start on the first of December. Parents purchase or make and hang Advent calendars and each day children – children in years and children at heart - awaken excited to open another window and to receive a treat – a special text, a small toy or most often, chocolate. With each window opened, they see how many more days they need to be patient and polite. The city dawns its holiday attire and drab, gray streets suddenly sparkle with light and Christmas music can be heard everywhere. Christmas markets open up for business in dozens of locations, and crafts of all shapes, sizes, textures and colors dazzle all the senses. Enticing smells of chestnuts and sausages roasting and the sweet aromas of candied fruit and nuts dictate the direction of wanderings of the crowds as eyes dance in awe of beautifully decorated trees and of magic created by human hands.

It is a time for multiple celebrations. Surprising sharing often occurs between strangers at a time when people, in general, seem friendlier, and when the harshness and winter gloom of the big bustling Northern city seems to soften. Families and friends gather on Sundays around beautiful tables with white linen table cloths, fine china, fresh flowers and beautiful Advent wreaths with candles to be lit on each of the four Sundays before Christmas. On the 6th of December, children awaken to find that Nikolaus had filled their shoes with candy and fruit the night before. The major celebration is on the 24th , called the “holy evening”, when in the afternoon, most of the city gathers first in the churches – most people would not have been to church since the previous Christmas. Families then return home for the “Bescherung” – the exchange of gifts, followed by a light dinner.

Our Berlin relatives, like many other German families, kept the wonderful tradition depicted in the Nutcracker of only opening the door to the room with the lit Christmas tree and gifts at a certain time upon the return from church. Imagine the excitement of children as they wait for the bell to ring and the door to open. On December 25th, called the “first Christmas day”, families and friends gather for special Christmas dinners similar to the American Thanksgiving celebrations. Still, the celebration continues; the 26th, called the “second Christmas day” is also an official holiday, but for most a day for rest and relaxation and a shifting of focus back to more mundane affairs.

Our family added our own special touches to this long tradition and a couple of extra celebrations as well. Since we had first lived in Munich when we first moved back to Germany, my son had gotten used to the “Christ Child” who appeared at the door on the 24th bearing a bag filled with gifts. He couldn’t just disappear because we moved from Bavaria to Prussia. And, of course, there was the American Christmas! While I immensely enjoyed the slower pace, the extended and varied celebrations with family and friends, and what seemed to me more of the “real” meaning of Christmas and less of the material focus, the real thing for me was our very material American Christmas celebration! And, this brings us back to “pencils and apples”.

I wanted to make sure that my children stayed connected to their roots which stemmed from my side of the family. I had grown up in the land of “bigger and more is better”, and I wanted my children to experience the thrill of waking up on Christmas morning to a room filled with big and little, bright and shinny gifts from Santa. Each summer, we came back from our American vacation with bags bulging with the first installments of our “American Christmas”.

A twitch in my German husband’s jaw would start during those summer shopping sprees, and continue until well after Christmas. One of my American friends, also married to a German, first told me of the mentality which captured perfectly what I had recognized in my husband, but had yet to label. This was the “pencils and apples” philosophy of how Christmas was supposed to be celebrated; born and bred in times of struggle and scarcity and nurtured by a frugal, non ostentatious people. The idea is to keep it simple, keep it pretty, keep it financially reasonable and keep the “real” meaning of Christmas in the forefront. The roots that my husband wanted to keep our children connected to involved concepts like simplicity, frugality, and sharing and giving which did not involve major financial expenditures which usually, of course, come January and February, are sorely regretted. There was a time when “pencils and apples” were fine gifts. I was not to be moved!! Pencils and apples, ok, but I wanted our children to have the bicycles, the Nintendos, the latest “hot” items, the clothes, etc., etc.

Once you introduce children to the “Nintendo Christmas”, it’s hard to revert to pencils and apples. On my own now, I don’t have to worry about someone else’s stress level rising over my spending. Yet, on my own now, I am glad that somehow magically, my children seem to have stayed more closely connected to their father’s definition of Christmas. I still keep the pressure on myself to keep up the image, but at least I, myself, feel quite satisfied now with pencils and apples. The non-material sharing does me just fine.

P.S. Of course, when you are as old as I am, you can’t see well enough to play Ninendo games anyway.

A Reach Challenge

Reach beyond your comfort zone. Reach beyond what comes easy and automatic to make the time to develop your Christmas tradition. What would a gentle, nonjudgmental look at your philosophy and style of celebrating Christmas show? What can you learn about yourself? What challenges face you?

Perhaps the major joy in all of this for me is that over the years and despite the tensions, our family was able to develop our own Christmas tradition. Even though now divorced, and still not completely tension free, my husband and I have managed to continue to piece together our German-American Christmas. This has allowed our children to stay connected to both sides of their bi-cultural roots and, thereby, to continue to extend and expand their Christmas celebrations.

Reach For Words Of Wisdom

SPECIAL GIFTS
by Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.

Our special gifts are often small,
and oft quiet, and simple
is their call.

Only an ear atuned
will hear their plea
to open our hearts
so our eyes might see

the beauty hidden,
the words barely perceived,
the valuable offerings
only a trusting spirit will receive.

Reach To Believe:

Something wonderful is about to happen!!!!!!

Belleruth Naprastek

Audiotape: Rheumatoid Arthritis or Lupus
Time Warner Audiobooks

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Wishing you peace and power, and the courage to reach!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and MUCH HEALTH AND HAPPINESS in the NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Wellness Coach






Copyright © 2007 Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D. All rights in all media reserved.

CHECKING IN WITH YOU

BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE

Rewards await
those willing to
reach

beyond, beneath, below,
deep down, higher and higher,
over and under, out and within, and
over and over again and again.

Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
and Wellness Coach


LEARNING TO REACH
BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE:
A WELLNESS PROGRAM

Answers to life’s puzzles and problems are as certain as the gold buried deep within the earth. Yet, just as golden nuggets seldom fall into our laps, finding solutions to life’s perplexing questions and problems requires work - digging, searching, reaching. With the “pain” of effort, however, comes “gain”. Like the miner who, with practice, learns more and more how to spot and mine for treasures, people too can learn to better tap the treasures within themselves and in the outside world which hold the answers to their search for greater personal peace and power.




CHECKING IN WITH YOU
by Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.

Achieve greater peace and power by learning to reach for regular checks of all life systems.

Congratulations! You “kindled the fire within” and established time for you…alone…to focus on you… So, how’s it going?

No? You didn’t get around to that yet. Well, no matter, there is still time to take better care of the most important person in your life. What? You haven’t figured out who this person is? Ok, I’ll give you a hint – just look in the mirror. I’ll also give you some well-seasoned advice. Look in the mirror, smile broadly at that person you see, and promise him/her that you will schedule in time…alone…to focus on you…ON A REGULAR BASIS.

In the meantime, just take a few minutes with me now to check in with you. Close a real or imagined door. Find a comfortable place to sit. Lean back, take a few deep breaths, relax and just leave the talking to me.
“How’s it going?” is a frequent greeting in Kentucky where I come from. It is a question typically answered quickly and superficially; no one really wants to know the real scoop and the person addressed doesn’t really want to reveal it. “Pretty good, what about yourself?” comes a quick response, often in passing for it is about moving on, keeping going, making it through – whatever the task – keeping that nose to the grindstone – taking care of business… And we keep going, we keep taking care of business, and we “shop until we drop”. It is often only when we “drop” that we might consider asking a serious, “How is it really going with me?” By the time we get around to asking the question, the damage is often done – we find ourselves emotionally bankrupt, an important relationship is on the rocks, the children are spinning out of control, etc. Yet, is there not a way to stay in touch with the status of the various areas of our lives, and to identify needed adjustments before they become needed repairs?

Such monitoring is called preventive maintenance. It is recommended for our homes, our appliances, our vehicles, and our bodies. With automobiles, for example, there are the minor and major check-ups. Frequent checks are recommended for the fluids, the belts, and brakes, and the less frequent checks for the major systems to be made only after a certain amount of time or mileage. Why not then minor and major check-ups of our lives? Why not regular reviews of our life systems, whether minor or major, in order to stay aware of our overall functioning.

For quick and easy checks of our general functioning, The psychologist and story-teller, Dr. Pinkola-Estes (1995), recommends simply asking on a regular basis, “What do I need more of?” and “What do I need less of?” For more detailed assessments, Life Coach Cheryl Richardson (1999) uses a “whole life” approach which involves using a pie chart to diagram the time devoted to different life areas, including work, relationships, emotional and physical health, fun and adventure, contributions to others and spiritual well-being. Balance, according to Richardson, is the key. She writes, “Life is made up of many facets, and no one facet is more or less important than another. A meaningful life is one of balance.” The goal is to stay aware of functioning in the various life areas and of possible imbalance between the areas.

Want a quick and easy check of your life systems? Click here to sign up for “Checking All Systems”, a free form which can be used for regular check-ups:


A Reach Challenge

Reach beyond your comfort zone. Reach beyond what comes easy and automatic to make the time to check in with you. What would a gentle, nonjudgmental look at your various life systems show? What can you learn about yourself? What challenges face you?

So again, how’s it going? How much balance or imbalance would a review of your life systems show? How happy are you? How satisfied are you with your life? What do you need more of and less of in order to feel better and to live better? Where are you, and where are you headed compared to where you want to be, need to be? Are the people and situations in your life good/right for you? What do your family and friends think about what you are doing, and/or, not doing? Or, as Dr. Phil, America’s TV psychologist, often asks quite simply, yet powerfully: “How is this (or that) working for you?”
Time taken to ask such important questions establishes a more solid basis for understanding ourselves and the challenges which face us; and, according to Breathnach (1995) who writes about work-life balance in her book “Simple Abundance”, opens the door to renewing our lives with passion and purpose.

Reach For Words Of Wisdom

The Challenge, Most Urgent

Whether a minor check-up,
or a major review,
the challenge, most urgent
is to take time for you.

It requires regular scheduling,
sometimes more, sometimes less
to relax, to refuel,
to reflect and assess.

Stop, look and listen!

Stop!
Stop the hectic, stop the chatter.
Walk out the door,
get off the ladder.

Do whatever it takes,
but put others on notice;
it is again time,
and this time
is mine!

Look!
my dear,
with calm and with care
at someone unique,
you can’t wait to meet.

He’s/she’s there inside,
Where he/ she often goes to hide,
with wisdom so true,
just waiting for you.

Listen!
to his/her voice so sweet.
it soothes your senses,
and tickles your feet.
Its wisdom is deep.

But, you seldom hear it
for other voices loom loud,
and you’re often too busy
pleasing the crowd.

Listen,
Listen,
to his/her weak and weary words.
You’ll be glad you took the time,
for he/ she has a powerful message
which finally must be heard.

Listen!

Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D. (2007)


Reach To Believe:

Something wonderful is about to happen!!!!!!
Belleruth Naprastek

Audiotape: Rheumatoid Arthritis or Lupus
Time Warner Audiobooks

Wishing you peace and power, and the courage to reach!!!

Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Wellness Coach


Breathnach, Sarah. Simple Abundance. N.Y.: Warner Books, 1995.
Pinkola-Estes, Clarissa. Women who Run with the Wolves. N.Y.: Ballantine Books, 1995.
Richardson, Cheryl. Take Time for Your Life. N.Y.: Broadway Books, 1999.



Copyright © 2007 Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D. All rights in all media reserved.

KINDLE THE FIRE WITHIN

BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE

Rewards await
those willing to
reach

beyond, beneath, below,
deep down, higher and higher,
over and under, out and within, and
over and over again and again.

Lula Morton Drewes
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
and Wellness Coach


LEARNING TO REACH
BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE:
A WELLNESS PROGRAM

Answers to life’s puzzles and problems are as certain as the gold buried deep within the earth. Yet, just as golden nuggets seldom fall into our laps, finding solutions to life’s perplexing questions and problems requires work - digging, searching, reaching. With the “pain” of effort, however, comes “gain”. Like the miner who, with practice, learns more and more how to spot and mine for treasures, people too can learn to better tap the treasures within themselves and in the outside world which hold the answers to their search for greater personal peace and power.



KINDLE THE FIRE WITHIN
by Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.

Achieve greater peace and power by learning to reach deeper within yourself for greater self awareness, self control and self direction.

In times of crises like the California fires, people often rise to their best as they reach out to their fellow humans with compassion and assistance. As I have followed this tragedy, I have also recognized this as an excellent opportunity for some self reflection. In the process, I have realized, yet again, how easy it often is to reach out to others with advice and assistance than it is to look within. The push to look within, however, provided me with some needed reminders.

Taking some time to reflect on my own behavior in response to the fires, I realized how obsessed I generally become with major catastrophic events. It is my work, yes, to help people cope with various crises, but I recognized how personal, too personal, it sometimes becomes. I awake with the event, I eat with it, I take it as a companion during the day and I sleep with it. It is as if I consume full responsibility and constantly analyze political, financial and personal implications. Such times are the only times that I watch TV in the morning. It becomes as spontaneous as brushing my teeth. Being on the east coast, I was beating the California reporters to the job, and the stress was showing. The smoke from the flames was casting a thick shadow over my day. After my daughter switched the channel to cartoons multiple times, I finally realized something that I had been teaching others for years – “an observer of abuse is a victim of abuse”.

With my obsessive viewing of the coverage of the California fires, I was choosing a sort of victimization. I was doing what Roger Mellott calls “swallowing steel marbles”. (Career Track audio tape MCMLXXXV: Stress Management for Professionals); I was making the choice to ingest pain and suffering all day. No wonder I felt heavier and heavier. My “Reach Challenge” was as simple as resisting to reach for the remote control. I needed to establish greater emotional distance, and to look for more proactive reactions to this disaster. A current TV commercial by the Kentucky government reminds us that as we sit passively observing the California fires from the comfort and distance of our homes, many of us remain completely unprepared for the natural disasters which seem to be occurring more frequently.


A Reach Challenge

Reach beyond your comfort zone. Reach beyond what comes easy and automatic to look deeper within. What would a gentle, nonjudgmental look at your thoughts and feelings regarding these catastrophic California fires show? What can you learn about yourself? What challenges face you and your family. For example, what values would guide your response to a sudden evacuation command? Are they the values you live by day-for-day? How prepared are you for a potential natural disaster?

According to Life Coach, Cheryl Richardson (1999), there is within each person a wealth of deep inner wisdom waiting to be tapped. In her book, “The Value of Journaling”, she points to an intimate relationship with oneself as the essential component of a life of purpose and passion. Awareness and understanding of the self provide a more solid basis for life choices and management. As with finding other treasures, the key to discovering ones inner wisdom is to cultivate the practice of reaching beyond what has become automatic and easy. One way to do this would be to work at creating the practice of “sitting silently with self”. According to Richardson, a private journal provides a valuable tool for developing a solid relationship with oneself, and for practicing relying on ones own inner wisdom. The process of writing about ones inner thoughts and feelings increases the ability for self reflection and understanding, and opens the door to guidance by what Richardson refers to as “the voice of the soul”.

Reach For Words Of Wisdom

Our fast-paced, adrenaline-based culture will trap you into
believing that you’ll finally be able to relax once you make
that one last phone call, finish one more task, or respond to
one more e-mail. But before you know it, you’re on overload
and your body can’t seem to slow down. I’ve been fooled by
this myth too, and because of that, I’ve trained myself to Stop, Look, and Listen.

Cheryl Richardson (1999)
Take Time for your Life


Reach To Believe:

Something wonderful is about to happen!!!!!!
Belleruth Naprastek

Audiotape: Rheumatoid Arthritis or Lupus
Time Warner Audiobooks

Wishing you peace and power, and the courage to reach!!!

Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.












(c) Copyright 2007. Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D. All rights reserved.