BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE Rewards await
those willing to
reach
beyond, beneath, below,
deep down, higher and higher,
over and under, out and within, and
over and over again and again.
Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
and Wellness Coach
LEARNING TO REACH
BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE:
A WELLNESS PROGRAM
Answers to life's puzzles and problems are as certain as the gold buried deep within the earth. Yet, just as golden nuggets seldom fall into our laps, finding solutions to life's perplexing questions and problems requires work - digging, searching, reaching. With the "pain" of effort, however, comes "gain"�. Like the miner who, with practice, learns more and more how to spot and mine for treasures, people too can learn to better tap the treasures within themselves and in the outside world which hold the answers to their search for greater personal peace and power.
Achieve greater peace and power by establishing your own traditions.
PENCILS AND APPLES:
A Clash of Cultures
by Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.
I’m excited!! In a few days, my daughter and I will leave our family in Kentucky to travel home to Berlin, Germany for Christmas. Although both of us have spent more time in KY lately, Berlin remains HOME. It is where our family spent all of our Christmases since my daughter’s birth (she’s now in college), and since her older brother was three. It was always a magical time for us, but beneath the magic - where little eyes couldn’t see - were tensions within and between adults which the Christmas season typically offers as “challenge gifts”. Most Christmas movies seem to be based on this tension principle. I call these challenges the “pencil and apple struggles”. Before I explain, let me tell you about a place that knows how to do Christmas well.
We especially love the Christmas season in Berlin because it is a long, extended affair, rooted in centuries of tradition, and very beautiful. The celebrations start on the first of December. Parents purchase or make and hang Advent calendars and each day children – children in years and children at heart - awaken excited to open another window and to receive a treat – a special text, a small toy or most often, chocolate. With each window opened, they see how many more days they need to be patient and polite. The city dawns its holiday attire and drab, gray streets suddenly sparkle with light and Christmas music can be heard everywhere. Christmas markets open up for business in dozens of locations, and crafts of all shapes, sizes, textures and colors dazzle all the senses. Enticing smells of chestnuts and sausages roasting and the sweet aromas of candied fruit and nuts dictate the direction of wanderings of the crowds as eyes dance in awe of beautifully decorated trees and of magic created by human hands.
It is a time for multiple celebrations. Surprising sharing often occurs between strangers at a time when people, in general, seem friendlier, and when the harshness and winter gloom of the big bustling Northern city seems to soften. Families and friends gather on Sundays around beautiful tables with white linen table cloths, fine china, fresh flowers and beautiful Advent wreaths with candles to be lit on each of the four Sundays before Christmas. On the 6th of December, children awaken to find that Nikolaus had filled their shoes with candy and fruit the night before. The major celebration is on the 24th , called the “holy evening”, when in the afternoon, most of the city gathers first in the churches – most people would not have been to church since the previous Christmas. Families then return home for the “Bescherung” – the exchange of gifts, followed by a light dinner.
Our Berlin relatives, like many other German families, kept the wonderful tradition depicted in the Nutcracker of only opening the door to the room with the lit Christmas tree and gifts at a certain time upon the return from church. Imagine the excitement of children as they wait for the bell to ring and the door to open. On December 25th, called the “first Christmas day”, families and friends gather for special Christmas dinners similar to the American Thanksgiving celebrations. Still, the celebration continues; the 26th, called the “second Christmas day” is also an official holiday, but for most a day for rest and relaxation and a shifting of focus back to more mundane affairs.
Our family added our own special touches to this long tradition and a couple of extra celebrations as well. Since we had first lived in Munich when we first moved back to Germany, my son had gotten used to the “Christ Child” who appeared at the door on the 24th bearing a bag filled with gifts. He couldn’t just disappear because we moved from Bavaria to Prussia. And, of course, there was the American Christmas! While I immensely enjoyed the slower pace, the extended and varied celebrations with family and friends, and what seemed to me more of the “real” meaning of Christmas and less of the material focus, the real thing for me was our very material American Christmas celebration! And, this brings us back to “pencils and apples”.
I wanted to make sure that my children stayed connected to their roots which stemmed from my side of the family. I had grown up in the land of “bigger and more is better”, and I wanted my children to experience the thrill of waking up on Christmas morning to a room filled with big and little, bright and shinny gifts from Santa. Each summer, we came back from our American vacation with bags bulging with the first installments of our “American Christmas”.
A twitch in my German husband’s jaw would start during those summer shopping sprees, and continue until well after Christmas. One of my American friends, also married to a German, first told me of the mentality which captured perfectly what I had recognized in my husband, but had yet to label. This was the “pencils and apples” philosophy of how Christmas was supposed to be celebrated; born and bred in times of struggle and scarcity and nurtured by a frugal, non ostentatious people. The idea is to keep it simple, keep it pretty, keep it financially reasonable and keep the “real” meaning of Christmas in the forefront. The roots that my husband wanted to keep our children connected to involved concepts like simplicity, frugality, and sharing and giving which did not involve major financial expenditures which usually, of course, come January and February, are sorely regretted. There was a time when “pencils and apples” were fine gifts. I was not to be moved!! Pencils and apples, ok, but I wanted our children to have the bicycles, the Nintendos, the latest “hot” items, the clothes, etc., etc.
Once you introduce children to the “Nintendo Christmas”, it’s hard to revert to pencils and apples. On my own now, I don’t have to worry about someone else’s stress level rising over my spending. Yet, on my own now, I am glad that somehow magically, my children seem to have stayed more closely connected to their father’s definition of Christmas. I still keep the pressure on myself to keep up the image, but at least I, myself, feel quite satisfied now with pencils and apples. The non-material sharing does me just fine.
P.S. Of course, when you are as old as I am, you can’t see well enough to play Ninendo games anyway.
A Reach Challenge
Reach beyond your comfort zone. Reach beyond what comes easy and automatic to make the time to develop your Christmas tradition. What would a gentle, nonjudgmental look at your philosophy and style of celebrating Christmas show? What can you learn about yourself? What challenges face you?
Perhaps the major joy in all of this for me is that over the years and despite the tensions, our family was able to develop our own Christmas tradition. Even though now divorced, and still not completely tension free, my husband and I have managed to continue to piece together our German-American Christmas. This has allowed our children to stay connected to both sides of their bi-cultural roots and, thereby, to continue to extend and expand their Christmas celebrations.
Reach For Words Of Wisdom
SPECIAL GIFTS
by Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.
Our special gifts are often small,
and oft quiet, and simple
is their call.
Only an ear atuned
will hear their plea
to open our hearts
so our eyes might see
the beauty hidden,
the words barely perceived,
the valuable offerings
only a trusting spirit will receive.
Reach To Believe:
Something wonderful is about to happen!!!!!!Belleruth Naprastek
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Wishing you peace and power, and the courage to reach!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS and MUCH HEALTH AND HAPPINESS in the NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Wellness Coach
Copyright © 2007 Lula Morton Drewes, Ph.D. All rights in all media reserved.
